April Fools

One day the affection I wasted at your feet
Will haunt you when you’re still alone in that chair
Reminders of me will make you feel weak
And you’ll wish you had been more fair
But your incessant fear of losing control
Was never masked by your self-proclaimed
Going with the flow
I saw right through it and I think you know
There’s a massive refusal to grow
A belly full of lies you cooked
And fed to yourself
Three course meals to reflect your wealth
Only to continue to deteriorate your mental health
And all I wanted to do was know you and laugh until it hurt
And remember the scent of your shirt
Too much to ask when you’re nothing to him
Drunken talks of adoration that you denied on a whim
To hate your own heart must be a torturous state
And no, that’s not up for debate


Six Months Out

Remember when you liked all my pics?
Remember when you weren’t such a dick?
Remember when i was the mud and you were the stick...
And you stuck around even when it hailed
I swore you’d never hear me wail
I was fine with the delusions & being impaired
I was happy with the secret notion that we made a good pair
I could listen to you shit talk on that headset all night
I held my breath until you would turn around & flash a smile
I knew what we had was alright
Even if it only lasted a little while
Like a dumb fucking child
I would follow you through the wild
And try to keep up to make you happy
And keep to myself all the words that were sappy
They made you cringe with guilt
Of what you said you should never have felt
You swore your heart was not ready to be had
That her hands still kept it and she wasn’t all that bad
Her lies were your fault because you could be so mean
But say all you want, i saw the way i made you beam
Your smile gleamed
And you so often seemed
To enjoy the moments without the nonsense
But i would never get the chance
And I’ve not been the same since
That’s okay, I read the fine print and signed it anyway
Six months later and I’m sometimes still a mess
I wish it was me who couldn’t care less


The Utopia of Hell

The sky can turn from a golden sight to darkness in an instance
It is scary once you realize that the swirling clouds are meant to harm
No matter how you plead the sky is so damn insistent
Swallow back your fear and race for the alarm
Notify the people of what has changed
And watch them grab a rope for their hopes to hang
The foundations will be tested beyond belief
There’s far more rain that falls than there is relief
Run to the highest point of this doomed reality
Fighting against winds and piercing droplets that hurt like knives
Grab on to the trunk of the deepest rooted tree
Pray and lie
Reflect on your life
There is no glimmer of a Golden hope
This hell hears your pleas and roars out, ”NOPE”
That ship has sailed, you missed the boat
Luckily your inflated ego can help you float
But what of the ones you out ran down below?
Their faint crying is dying while you steady your stance...always lying
This is fine and now you’re not floating, you’re flying
The chemical will eventually subside
And your world will cease
The utopia you seek
Is your favorite lie
Hidden in the deepest crease
Of your disease
I’m no doctor, just a nun without a Savior
Watching you wither away
Day after day
Telling yourself it’s okay to savor
Hush now
The storm isn’t real, it’s golden outside
Lay down your vices to heal the chaos inside
I’d offer my hand but you’ve slapped it away for the last time


Flung

I'm a mermaid in the desert capsized in the sand dunes,
A bird who's lost its feathers and unable to fly to the moon,

Outta my head and into my comfort zone
Keep swimming til you past the ozone

Second star to the right and straight on til you're done mourning
I won't give in until I'm under constant adorning

I can take my last breath and float through the galaxies
Let my last thoughts ponder and wonder what could be

I'll dissipate into the sky and become part of Orion's Belt
You'll look up at me and remember what you thought you felt

I'm a mermaid thrown onto Jupiter's surface
Light me up and lie to me about my purpose

Catch me with a hook and a net
Shake me until I forget
Strip me of my power until it feels like your own
Maybe I'll be rescued by an alien drone
Give me the phone
I'll contact home
Feels like forever when you're alone
The cold out here chills to the bone

Drift towards the sun and melt the ice
A split second before oblivion it might feel nice

You run around this maze like caged mice
I won't tell you I love you so goodbye will suffice

The gravitational pull grabs my wrist and guides me back
I almost made it but courage I lacked
I hope when I hit the surface I'm still intact
When I get there I'll help you unpack

We'll pretend I never left And never speak a word about it
All the words were in jest
And drink til we forget

Bottoms up until the sun goes down
Replace your grin with a frown
It suits you
And I do too


From the Tears of Ra

Slow dripping honey from your mouth
Intoxicates me
You’ve blown on the small embers of a fire in my heart
Fanning it into flames while whispering drunkenly
Tales of the tragic times when time was stolen while we’re apart
Mumbling through the meadows
And stumbling through the shadows
Loosening the rope around my wrists
Love is trippy but I think I get the gist
Out of the mist you appeared
I had to dismiss the bubbling fear
Slow dripping honey from your mouth hypnotizes me
The hardest lesson to learn was how to stay free
You shot through the sky like a Star that no one else saw
But I did and stood there hours after you left in great awe
I looked for evidence of your existence
Only to be told I’m far too persistent
Lie to me again, I miss it